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I Don't Know How Much More I Can Take

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Feb. 7th, 2007 | 12:26 pm
location: my room
mood: crappy...like shit

So; there have been many things going on in my life lately, most of which is school related, unfortunately, but to tell you the truth, it comes as no surprise. I have had zero tests yet this semester, and now have 2 on Friday. This is not going to be fun, and I am dreading it immensely. Jess has been doing okay up until this past week. She has had a few heart problems lately, mostly just a high heart-rate with no irregular beatings. She had an ultrasound done last week, and they found a mass in her heart. It is roughly the size of a golf ball, and is sitting on top of a stem. The severity of this mass is still unknown, and will be found out hopefully soon. In the mean time, her 5th Chemo was pushed back to tomorrow as apposed to Monday, but that should not be a problem. They have recently decreased the quantity of one medicine that she has been getting to allow her to feel her finger tips and toes again; and it has worked...no more stumbling when eating with a fork or spoon, nor while trying to slide her feet into her shoes. At times I feel very overwhelmed, and don't know what to do; but other times, I feel like I am taking all of this news way too well. I don't know what it is about/with me, but the only time I had any kind of "reaction" to what has been going on with Jess was right when we found out that she had the possibility of cancer. Since then, I have taken everything so well (sometimes too well I think) and I don't understand why.

Until recently, I have been fighting a battle with my parents about living off-campus next year, and have just recently gotten it resolved and finalized. At least that is one thing less I have to worry about...or so I thought. My dad just sent out an e-mail to all of Joey's teachers, and copied me on it, about his lack of effort to get things done. This is just something I don't need on my plate right now, because it is full enough with school work, Jess's health, and trying to find a fucking job here in Statesboro where it is damn impossible to find one. I don't know what to do anymore. I have seen my therapist this week, and she is concerned that I am taking this all to well as well, and is waiting for me to explode. Frankly, so am I. I guess I am going to have to try and work everything out and do my best to keep my mind mostly on school and nothing else, just to try and make life a little easier for me right now.

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CK

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from: spam__robot
date: Feb. 7th, 2007 06:27 pm (UTC)
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Glad to see you posting again.

Sorry things are going so rough right now. I know I'm not online very much these days, but feel free to call/text me if you need to vent.

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