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I'm Sick Of It All

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Jun. 2nd, 2007 | 09:56 pm
location: Mom's house
mood: depresseddepressed

I am sick and tired of everything going wrong in my life. I am sure than not many have known as many people to die within 21 years of their life. It is getting ridiculous. I was just told this morning that Jess's grandmother died over night. At least it was while she was asleep so we know that there was no pain involved. I want to so badly be down there for not just the funeral, because I have been a part of her family for 2 years now, but most importantly to support Jess. I know how badly she needs me right now and am beating the shit our of myself for not having the funds to go down and be there. If I wasn't such a dumb-ass and spent almost $1,000 on my credit card from July to September, I would have the money to buy a plane ticket and be down there on by Monday night.

Right now I just have way too much shit going on in my life. I tried to make things a little easier on myself by talking to Jess's mom about what's been going on and how badly I want to be there, but got a little too ahead of myself and talked to her about something that I should not have talked to her about. It got Jess extremely pissed off at me and I am still kicking myself about it, and probably will be right now as you are reading this.

As for what all is on my mind, there is more than I can put in writing. The big things are my dad (which never seems to go away), my lack of work right now, Jess, her family, Christine (boss of what was supposed to be my job), and trying to get my mom to co-sign a loan from the bank.

My dad; where do I begin...right now his latest "news" is that because I waited an extra week to come up to NJ, he took off $25 a month from my allowance for next year. This is just retarded, and he sees it as a way to prove to me that I can't rely on him for money because I did not work enough this summer. Now with this new jobless situation, I would be dead if he were to find out, so the simple thing is to not tell him. As for the loan, it would be to not have to worry about relying upon him for school payments. I am sick and tired of him hanging the money issue over my head and using it to all ki9nds of advantages for himself, and would love to get a loan, not tell him, and use his allowance to pay it off.

As for Christine, she is being her typical self and not giving me the information that I need. She has just recently sold the deli and never told me. Since I was relying on that job, I am now up shit's creek and jobless. I have been job hunting already and will go again on Monday. I have already applied at a local Express, but they have not made any efforts to hire me, when they sounded like they were excited to hire someone with experience.

All in all I am just in too deep for what I need right now, and can't handle it any more.

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Comments {1}

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from: jessannie15
date: Jun. 4th, 2007 03:33 pm (UTC)
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You know i love you and support you in everything you do. I do have your support. It is just from a far. I would rather have that than it not at all. You will get through this. If you need anything call me.

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